Cool story, needs more dragons.

You know that you are up shit creek without a paddle when you begin to ponder on the possibility that life in the dark and slightly over-exaggerated mythical times, where dragons polluted the skies, seems like a lovely vacation from your current reality.

Life is a tricky little thing isn't it, we are placed on this planet naked, scared and crying later to find that a large portion of life is spent in this state of mind. Maybe a little less naked, that is a whole new ball park. It is the thing of good vs evil or more so, identifying what these two words even mean. What makes a good person? I don't like this word good, or more so the stereotype of "GOOD" that I obsess over. I often like to do things of good will, and try to spread a smile. Instead, I find myself getting lost in my mind, ultimately screwing things up and coming out at the end with no recollection of why I did what I had done.

What is it that fuels our mind, pushes us to make decisions that we wouldn't usually make. Okay, so lets face it. There is always one big one called Lady Liquor. Alcohol, you choose it, but only sometimes will it choose you in return. One night it is your best friend, the next it is tricking you to do things you wouldn't usually do, only to wake up the next morning for it to have left you lying alone to deal with the consequences. BUT you can not blame Lady Liquor, because this is the risk you are taking when you choose to feel that burn down your throat and that shiver down your spine.

So, taking alcohol out of the picture, what now? I am going to wrap it up in to a disappointing little present of underlying insecurities. These insecurities that fuel these quotes that get us, well maybe I am just speaking for myself, in to a lot of tricky situations. They go a little like this:

"You only live once"
"What if I didn't"
& the killer "Why not? What is the worse that can happen?"

With that third one, usually I say that, but never actually think of the worst thing that could happen. It is a really stupid state of mind, trust me - that state of mind broke my spine.

Now is where I will cue, Newtons Law. Correct me if my reference is wrong - every action has an equal reaction. So cliche, but so true.

I was going to continue by saying: think before you act, or consider the consequences of everything you do but, that is not easy my friends. I like to think that we learn from our mistakes But remember, you can never take your past away, you can only put it behind you and try to move forward.

Slowly things will always get better (in most scenarios), but then they get worse. That is just the big middle finger of life. Naked and crying seems pretty good compared to some of the things that are waiting for you around the corner.

I would now like to apologize for my deep and somewhat depressing blog entry. Looking back, this entry is actually all over the place, as is my life and the scattered remains of my mind. If you have made it this far, well done and thank you for letting my rambles captivate you.


To leave on a remotely positive note, good luck readers and remember that you'll always need the bad times to be able to properly respect the good times.

With love,
from the person you may think you know so well that barely even knows herself,
Tessa Rose.

Fine print: No, this is not where I am going to say that you have been charged 1c per word read and a fee for clicking on this blog. I just want to say, and again I rarely do this like I said that last time I did this, unfortunately this is a part that is aimed at only one person. If you are reading this, and you will know who you are: just know that I am thinking about you.

What will you do with your opportunity?

It more astounds me, than it does amaze. Time is just something that there is never enough of, even when it may feel like it is dragging on - you never know how truly lucky you are to be living in that moment, until its gone.

I will now take this opportunity to apologize for my absence. It is one thing to manage your time, but procrastination is a whole new game. But I am here now, that is all that matters.

Right now, present time. People lack the capability of living in the moment, focusing on right now. Don't get me wrong, I am saying this simply because it is one of my main troubles. Not only myself, but I know others too have difficulty with this - it is often that we find ourselves reminiscing the past or planning the future. The focus relies on how you are feeling, but how you are feeling is determined on your focus - therefore, how are you meant to know how you feel if you are living in a different time? You just read that sentence, it is now in the past, but the way your mind is accepting this next sentence is 100% influenced by the nature of the last one. Have I confused you yet? Good.

The mind is a powerful thing, that never ceases to surprise and confuse me. Many avoid thinking about it really. Psychology, there are a million books - twice as many websites; but we are still never going to be a step ahead. Some things in this life aren't meant to be explained, and that is the thrill of it. Not knowing what life will throw at your next but trying to keep the faith that what ever does happen, it is for a reason.

This can be so difficult though. When you are stuck in, what I like to think of as the cloudy abysmal parts of life, you can only see negative. You try to see positive, but it always seems to have this negative response, making you realize how shit what you are going through at that time really is compared to that time when it all seemed so simple.

Forever rewinding, fast forwarding; never simply hitting pause.

Every second passing, is a memory. The seconds approaching, are opportunities to create new memories.


Don't waste time, because (and I repeat) you never know how truly lucky you are to be living in that moment, until it is GONE.

I would like to think that my last few minutes bashing my laptop keyboard can be seen as inspirational, maybe its not your cup of tea? Oh well, you made it this far so I must of done something right to keep you captivated.

Just to finish up, I will give you a brief update:
Radio show is still kicking fierce, few ups and downs but I still find myself in love with the process of radio broadcast. Below I have attatched the link to my most recent show (wednesday 30th may). You will find my ARTS ON AIR segment at 5 minutes and 49 seconds in to the podcast. If you have a listen, feel free to tell me what you think. 


Thank you for optimizing this moment to support my dream to write and perform.

<< Coffee, combined with a note pad and pen -        lethal weapons of writing destruction. My best friends <3

Always the best of wishes, 
Tessa Rose x